Alien, And Having Fun, At College

I was talking to someone at school recently about college in general. He was telling me about his individual challenges and thoughts coming here, and how different it was, in some length. Of course, I remembered, in all of that, remembering my own thoughts like those. He didn't have a diagnosis, but it still reminded me of much of what I experienced with myself.

It's really daunting, making that jump. A very different two years ago, I was fairly convinced I wasn't able to go to college, on the basis of being able to care for myself and keep myself together. In fact, quite convinced would be better, which really got to my college-educated parents, since I seemed to be intellectually doing well at this point (the verdicts out on how I was emotionally doing). Of course, I got a good confidence booster along the way and somehow ended up (go figure) in college two years early, but that's complicated.

Going through it, I've found that, indeed, there are differences, and that I haven't very actively socialized on my own prerogative like others, but I guess I've grown to be comfortable in my work, and have a lot of excitement for it (after a struggle (which I finally succeeded in getting underhandedly), I have a philosophy tutorial I'm excited in; identity as it relates to autism. I'm enjoying it a lot). Hey, it fits in well enough within academia, so why not? I guess I could appreciate more socialization, and I do like engaging in ideas so much (something I will thank ABA and some good classes I've had for), but it just doesn't take top priority (I get questions a lot, of course, like "But aren't you lonely?" But so long as I get to participate in some interesting discourse somewhere, I just don't have a longing for people).

And, yes, there is that present understanding that I am different. But it brings none of the negative connotations (in fact, I can't imagine the contrary). When normal is alien, and different is great, I can know I still exist comfortably, here or anywhere.

Cliff